Lilith's guide for Christmas preparations

The season is here... earlier every year. It is not even middle of November and the shops are full of Christmas decorations and soon the carols will start playing nonstop and making our ears bleed and brainjuices falling out. Last year I wrote a guide for Purrfect Chrismas and something similar will be coming also later on this year... but first I think I will tell you how to prepare for Christmas.

Option 1
(this is valid if your bank account has enough cash after dealing catnip for catnip addicted cats...)
1. Go to some travel agent website
2. Choose a vacation somewhere warm and sunny and place where santa does not exists
3. Pay it
4. Just wait for the Chrismas time to come and escape it, and while you are sitting under the palmtrees on the sandy beach drinking your Long Island Icetea, imagine all those poor souls suffering due Christmas.

Option 2
So you have no cash for trip abroad. Change your religion then. There must be some religions that do not celebrate Christmas with any means. If there is nothing that suits you, make your own. You can worship me if you like (for this I can provide few fan pictures with my signature).

Option 3
So the above ones were not good enough? Weird hooman. Oh well.. Option 3 is "Suffer mortal". And dont whine about it. Just be brave.
Below I have written down of some of the most common Christmas preparations done to help you to waste your time and spend your cash.

Christmas cleaning
Oh this same agony, every single year. All places has to be shining and sparkling. Why? It will look like it was never cleaned few hours after the presents are opened. So why to bother? I still have not found a satisfying answer to that question. But anyways... Easiest way to do the cleaning is just to take trashes out (remember to remove cats from the bags!) and wipe all the dirt under carpets and pretend it is not there. If you want some nice smell to the air, buy airfreshener and tadaaa! Christmas cleaning has been completed!

Christmas presents
Everyone likes getting presents! Or then not... The shops are crowded with people, everyone fighting there to find just that one "purfect" Christmas present for the famous cousin Mark who has already everything and more money than he can spend at his lifetime. They want the gift to be something to be remembered years after... and finally, there it is... A ornament shaped like Santa Claus riding a battlefrog. Mark must love this! It is perfect! Now just some giftwrap and the Santa riding battlefrog will stay on Marks bookself for ever! Remember also, if you have annoying photobombing kittyfriends, you can pack them too at the sametime! Just remember enough stamps so the parcel wont be returned back.
But, instead of buying some completely unnecessary crap this year for people who really dont need it and have to still store the superugly ornament you got for them to present it at their apartment everytime you visit... how about if you would make a donation to the local shelter in their name, or buy some gifts for the shelter. Like food, toys, bowls, towels etc... and I bet the humanslaves working there would not mind if someone would bring some chocolates or coffee to remember them as well.

Christmas cooking
Food! What a wonderful excuse to celebrate Christmas. Usually Christmas cooking begins weeks (or in case of making those undestructable fruitcakes [I am sure the cockroaches surviving nuclear winter on this planet will refuse to eat fruitcakes]- months) before. So many cookies, cakes and treats to bake. And then finally the Christmas day goes being stuck in the kitchen, swearing and sweating and trying to get the food to the table so the visitors can devour it in few minutes and leave empty plates behind.
How about... this year just order a pizza. If you wanna feel more like Christmas, buy ham or turkey pizza (according to your preferences) and save yourself (and wallet) from all that cooking.

Christmas decorations
What would a Christmas be without spending money to buy all those plastic, horrible decorations, putting blinking lights everywhere and having a plastic santa sing Rudoplh the Rednosed reindeer everytime you walk to the livingroom?
If you want to save money, you can always just shred toilet paper and tell your visitors its your expression of snowy Christmas forrest.

Or you can make your own decorations by hand. Take your cats to help you out! For sure after the painting part your apartment is nicely covered with rainbow colored pawprints.

Chrismas cards
The every year agony. First taking a picture and then sending it to the family and relatives and not to forget to send it to the friend of your cousin Janus who would be otherwise upset as you forgot him.
Maybe... this year instead of forcing the Postal Ninjas to work so hard and carry your cards around (excessive physical labour can cause heart attacks or hurting muscles - give some vacation for the postal ninjas too!), send an email telling you donated the funds meant for the cards for the local animal shelter (or to my personal fund for taking over the world).
If you still want to send a card, remember all those poor trees that had no choice that were cut down for printing the card on paper and in most scenarios, the card ends up being trashed after Christmas anyways. If you'd ask the trees, I bet they would rather stay in the forrest and grow!

Christmas tree
I already told above how trees feel being cut down and processed to be cards... the same goes when they are cut and brought inside, dressed like clowns to become Christmas trees and then discarded after the season. So, how about this year, buy an orchid or other household plant and pretend it is your Christmas tree!

 

So here you go, a small guide from me for preparing for this jolly season!

~  Lilith the Mighty Minikitten