I decided to give you a small guide for making a purfect Christmas, as you humans have no idea how to do things easier and with less stress. All I see right now is people screaming at each other, rushing from place A to place B, buying stockpiles of food and gifts for persons they even hate... just because "it is the Christmas spirit".
What is Christmas spirit then ?
Well, very very long time ago, in a far far land I was born... To be honest, it was not that long time, and not even that far place... but lets skip the details and go to the topic. We were talking about Christmas spirit.
It is said that Christmas is time of sharing, peace and love. That families get together and eat good food and sing carols and open presents (again... it is Santa Claws job to deliver them...).
But I think Christmas spirit cannot be achieved like this. You have to find it in you. Christmas spirit is like a little kittenbaby, looking at you with her innocent eyes full of love. (now close your eyes and imagine that little kittenbaby. For those people with limited imaginary skills I have attached here a picture of me).
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| Lilith |
Gifts, presents and bribes
For some reason this seem to have became the most important part of Christmas for most of humans. You go to shops, buy buy buy, pack them up into paper and give them to people you care (or like often... could not care any less for). And then you pretend "oooo, so nice, this is just what I needed" when you received automated hair calculator that peeps after counting 100 hairs in your head and not-so-gently massages your scalp.
Now I know it is already too late, but how about next year making donation to local animalshelter and then sending a card for the person you wanted to buy a gift and tell that this year you gave the money for those who need it, instead of getting some completely unnecessary porcelain object to gather dust on the bookshelf ? If you do not like the person you should get a gift for... find out what animal he/she hates and donate the money for them. I am sure that the spiders who suffer from leg cramps need donations as well!
And about gifts... there is tho one good thing coming out from them and that is packing them! You know, take a box, get some wrapping paper and start packing it up. All that wonderful paper under my paws....
But one thing, that I have to keep reminding everyone... Do not buy animal as a gift. Every year week, two after Christmas the shelters are receiving a lot of animals that were abandoned. They were gotten as gifts and then people realize they cannot keep them. So think first before getting animal as a gift for someone!
This is favorite part for most of you humans (well, and animals too). FOOD!
But... every year the same story. First you cook, bake, boil and braze. You sweat in the kitchen and swear that next year you go to a restaurant (and by New Year's eve, you have forgotten this promise to yourself).
How about next year, just order some pizza, save yourself from the stress and work and save a lot of money as well! Anyways, most of you travel to meet your relatives all around and get to eat the same food you have in your table... so save yourself from the stress!
Meeting the relatives
The same story year after year. You get invites and feel obligated to go everywhere. So you end up spending half the time driving around like maniac to stick to the schedule and half the time discussing of interesting things like how your aunts toenails are growing inwards and how your cousin is ruining his life by marrying wrong girl. Then there is the almost obligatory part of receiving bribes ("oh I am again so happy to get this deformed elf kissing a reindeer statue and will forever cherish and love it and keep it on the best spot in house".).
If you are not traveling around... most likely your relatives are coming then to meet you. Week before Christmas you are crying tears to find that porcelain vase that looks like 4 years old hand less kid painted it, that your aunt who you hate gave you 4 Christmases ago. Just to have it there on the best spot for few hours during that evening before it is dumped again to a box in "never touch again locker".
There is way of avoiding all this... Lock your door, put curtains in front of windows and dont let anyone in! Or alternative way... just book tickets to Thailand and drink margaritas there under the sun without any stress!
Santa Claws
The top moment (especially for kids and those kid alike) of the evening. Santa Claws arrives to the home with big bag of gifts. Everyone is so happy! Gifts are given, Santa gets his 30th drink of Cognac for the evening and prepares to leave while (thank you Christmas Spirits!) dropping and breaking that hideous porcelain elf from your cousin Anna. He tells his apologies and moves outside to catch his reindeer.
If you feel you are obligated to get Santa Claws visiting you and dont want to wait for the night when the real Santa arrives... At least hire someone good. The kids will notice that the alcohol smelling red coated fake bearded Uncle Mike is not the real deal... Do not destroy their spirits! Kids still do believe in real Santa Claws!
Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree...
Few days before Christmas you go out to the forest to cut down an innocent tree, who was there happily growing with its friends. And suddenly a huge axe (or even worse... chainsaw) cuts it down and its being dragged to house where it is dressed into some fancy ornaments...
Or you and your family decide to be less extreme and just walk to the marketplace to buy the Perfect Tree. Then you take it home, decorate it and throw it outside after Christmas is over. And even during middle of the summer, you keep finding those tiny little needles from your home.
And the Christmas lights... Oh save me. Blinking and shining and gets you feel like in disco year after year. Neighbors competing against each other who has the biggest, shiniest and most lights.
Tho there are good things in Christmas trees, at least for us cats. It is like never ending entertainment system! All those things to paw and poke...
Also, some people like to do their decorations on their own (like Mommy), and this is great fun for everyone (besides for Mommy after she has to clean up everything).
Christmas Cleaning
Prepare yourself! The arsenal is ready. There are bottles of smelly things to wash places, different pieces of cloth to wipe things, vacuumcleaners, window washers... It looks like a war zone. Everyone gets their own share of things to do, and no one really likes to do them. "wipe from behind the curtain hangers", "polish the door handlers", "scrub the toilet with your old toothbrush"... And everyone is more and more unhappy. Just to sit down 5minutes in the "clean house" after spending days to clean it. Especially if you own animals the 5 minutes might be even shorter...
Save yourself dear familymembers... if someone from your house says the words "we should do Christmas cleaning"... Run before it is too late! Hire outside help! Hide into the garage and pretend being doing something even more important...
Shop Mania
Oh NOES! Shops wont be open for 2 days! It is end of the world! We have to rush there, stock our homes full of food (on top of all the Christmas food you already have stored). Reminder... Shops will open again. World will not end because they happen to be closed. Be smart, do not think like most of the people and rush there to fight over the last loaf of bread "since I will need that 7th bread just in case".
This same goes for last moment gift shopping... and even the worst... After Christmas sales, when people are running to buy all the things they wont need anyways, just because it has -5% sale tag on it.
Christmas carols
This suffering, this agony. It is not even December, when shops are putting out first Christmas decorations and where ever you go, you are forced to listen the same annoying Christmas carols. I salute you workers in the shops. I honor you! All those long weeks listening the same songs over and over again... You are my new heroes! No wonder so much violence comes on Christmas days... Humans blame alcohol for it, but I blame the Christmas carol overdosage during the weeks before the Christmas eve...
If you cannot take it easy this year, do it the next one. Do not stress yourself over some day that comes once in a year. Friday the 13th comes usually once in a year... we aint stressing because of it!
Purfect Christmas comes from within you. Not from all the "must do" and traditions and stress. Remember that and teach it to others too. Lets all enjoy this festive season without driving each other insane!
Happy Christmas preparation time! I am going now to decorate our dragon tree with some new clawmarks and write my wish list for Santa Claws. You can read my wish here.
~Lilith The Mighty Minikitten
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