Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Guide for washing rituals of a cat

Today we are talking about an issue I would rather stay silent about. Washing a cat. What you humans are thinking, forcing us into shower and washing our coats ? We cats can take care of our coats on ourselves... We are very clean animals.
Here I am demonstrating the basic washing position. Note my shining coat, that I have achieved. We cats like to wash ourselves many times during a day, regardless of time and place.
Agares is showing next how to wash the paws. It is very important to spread them to every direction so the cleaning would be easier.
And at the end washing the intimate areas... Since we got many young readers here, I have selected a picture where leg of Mr. Elb is covering the strategic areas.  
Washing our coats only with our tongues is not always enough, but we cats like to use different baths (well, the humans are travelling to spas for this... so why they do not appreciate us doing the same in home ?)
First is my absolute favorite, sandbath. I usually enjoy a long sandbath before going to the ring in catshows. It makes my coat so nice and shiny. You can use your own litterbox for sandbathing, but remember not to do your business there prior using it for bathing.
Aaaah... what would feel better than the feeling of fresh turf on your skin ? Most of our humanslaves actually have plants in their houses, so you can use these for your purposes. Just drop the plant on the floor and dig the turf out. Then enjoy a loooong bath there, rolling from side to side. If you have a light coatcolor, this is excellent moment to test how you would look like with dark coat!
Warning first. After this bath, you should not start washing yourself, as the taste might not be so good... I really enjoy long saltbaths for my feet. It makes my paws so nice and soft. It works like a peeling for our sensitive paws.
As you can note, we cats can keep ourselves clean! The following pictures are cruel animal abuse, so I would recommend if you are a sensitive reader, to stop reading right here. These pictures can shake your sensitive soul. The chinese knew the secrets of the water torture, and as it looks like, these skills have passed on to our humanslaves.  I blame the internet for this !
First the humanslave places the cat into bathtub or on the floor in shower and wets the coat completely with warm water.
The next step is to add shampoo to the coat that is foamed all around. I do not recommend anyone to taste this goo, it is bad ! And it often smells like flowers! I will show you soon a flower... a flower that a cow ate a week ago!
The shampoo is rinsed away, again with nasty water. Note my murderous look as I am trying to recall the phonenumber for the local animal rescue people so I can call them and report my humanslave for this cruel treatment.  
After the wash the the cat is cocoonized inside a towel (which might not even be nice color!) and most of the water is dried away. Some people use a torturedevice called hairdryer to dry their cats. At least my humanslave has saved her wits and is not torturing me by grilling me with a hairdryer.
After the cat manages to escape from the cocoon, we got hard work ahead... hours of washing our coat on our own after humans have contaminated it. What is the human logic in this washing projects anyways ?
I hope you have not been badly upset about the last pictures... After I have conquered the world and I have been crowned to the ruler of it, I promise you my dear catreaders, that every human who ever uses watertorture towards cats will suffer a punishment !
~ Lilith The Mighty Minikitten

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