Thursday, April 26, 2012

Liliths guide for perfect sleep

After a small break it is time for another guide. Today we are talking about a very important thing... sleep. We cats are the masters of this, so you humanslaves can only learn from us. I have gathered some information about different sleeping styles and places and essential helpers to get perfect sleep. You humans are sooo boring, as for most of you the only proper place is to sleep in bed under a blanket. you really should learn from us, the cats, who can sleep everywhere, everytime.
There are as many styles as there are cats. Everyone sleeps on their own way. And every style is as good as another for good sleep. Below I am showing only few of the billions ways of sleeping. It would take me the rest of the year to properly show you all the styles for sleeping. 
Roll :
This is one of the basic styles with package style. Knowing these two and using them will help you sleep where ever you go. It is very important to practise them multiple times throughout the day, and each session should last at least 30minutes. The disadvantages of this style are 1)smell of your own pawjuices in your nose and 2)requirement for space. Small boxes are not too good for it, as Mr. Elb demonstrates kindly in the picture.
Package :
Nano is showing you now the perfect packetstyle. It is very important to put your feet and tail under yourself so they are not flopping around. The more tight package = the better. This style suits every moment and it is very easy to get up from it in case you find a butterfly to catch.
Mr. Spread-A-Lot :
Sometimes the place for sleep is good, but there is not enough space. We cats are luckily very elastic creatures, who can spread perfectly to any container (like liquid), so this is not a problem. Just relax your bodyparts and let them find proper slots for themselves. Key is... relaxation!
Open up :
Usually we cats begin sleeping in roll or package, and later on start spreading our limbs. This procedure usually includes some stretching and we are spreading our paws open so the smell of pawjuices will spread better through out the apartment. Since roll-&package styles take less space, at night we usually come to your bed and start sleeping in either of those positions and then slowly, when you least expect... we start to move ourselves to the "Open Up" position. Latest at the time when you are sleeping on the edge of the bed you can notice how well we are demonstrating this position.
Sausagestyle :
The biggest difference to the package style is that in sausagestyle we are lowering our heads and our bodies become like a long, solid sausage. Mr. Elb is a master of this position. You humanslaves should try it out as well, I can promise you, you will sleep well! Also a big advantage in this position over package position is that in case you see dreams about food, all the drool will get stuck on your pillow instead of your fur!
Kittenpile :
This style works only if there are more cats than you in your castle. It is not about the place where you build up the kittenpile, but it is about being close to each other. The less space between you and your catfriends, the better (and warmer) results.
Upside down :
The most important thing is to find a good spot, where you can turn on your back and lift your paws high up in the air and reveal your belly. This style suits all cats, especially if sleeping in roll- or packagestyle cases your belly to overheat. A moment laying on your back and your belly gets some cooling and then you can return to your original position or try something else. Tho remember, if you got some extra around your belly, be careful, as if you use upside down position on soft surface like bed, you might have some embarassing difficulties on getting up.
Monorail-style :
The bigger cat, the better in this style. And with bigger I mean the extras around your waist. This way you can put the extra mass of your waist carefully on both sides of the rail and achieve a balance that not even an earthquake can shake. Preparations are the key, and finding a suitable rail might be bit difficult. Personally I favor using the chair.
We cats can sleep everywhere. Now I am going to show you few of the many sleeping spots for you to try out. Some prefer other places... but as we say, you cannot argue with taste !
Shelfs :
This is an excellent place for every cat. You should just be aware of few things... firstly, make sure that there are no extra objects on the shelf. If there is something, you can use your paws to drop it down or meow long enough that your humanslave will realize what to do and remove the objects. Secondly... check the size of the shelf before entering so you can get out. Even we cats can fit into tiny spaces, it is good to make sure we wont get stuck. If you would like to scare your humanslave, find a shelf that is hidden and come out from your nap only after your humanslave has been searching for you at least for two hours. This will keep them alert.
Sunlight :
We cats work with solarenergy, and now that summer is coming, what would be a better place for a nap than under the rays of sun ?! Few hours spent there and we are all charged up for rampage at the evening. Best effect is at afternoon so we have full batteries for the evening. You humanslaves just often try to cover our sun with your stupid curtains, but remember cats, you can always use your paws and claws to get rid of the curtains and after that let the sunshine dance on your coat.
On lap of humanslave :
For me, this is one of the best places to take a nap. We can suck the heat out from you humans like leeches and enjoy your pats while laying on your lap. Also sleeping on your shoudlers or on top of your legs is good. Make sure tho, that your humanslave knows that while you are meditating, they should not be moving. If your humanslave tries to move you, use your claws or teeth to make sure the humanslave knows how you feel about it.
Bed :
For most people this is the place where they sleep, and we cats also like to use it for naps. I personally enjoy laying middle of the bed and I make sure my humanslaves know that it is MY bed, and if they are not happy about me sleeping there, there is the couch for them then (unless I select it first for my naps!) On the bed there are often pillows and blankets and it is nice to make a nest out from them.
Climbing tree :
Some humanslaves get us climbing trees where we can practise our physical strenght and sharpen our claws. The best trees have boxes, beds and nests built into them where we can sleep. This is a good place for a nap, but if you like playing hide and seek with your humans, choose other spot, as this is one of the places they will be looking for you first.
Hideouts :
We cats know how to hide when we like to sleep. And playing hide and seek is an important part of our day, and you never know where you'll find us. Mr. Elb here is demonstrating one excellent hiding place behind the PC monitor. As a big plus, the heat of the monitor will keep you warm even middle of the winter. Just remember my dear catfriends, check the size of the hideout before you enter, as it was with shelfs, since otherwise you might end up having a bad suprise while trying to get out.
Clothes :
Aah, the heat of the freshly ironed clothes on my skin... what a pleasure! Since I am wearing a black coat, I always try to search a pile of clothes that are white, so I can leave behind me a nice pile of black hair to tell my humanslave how much I appreciated the heated bed she made just for me by ironing her clothes.
Bags & Boxes :
A word of warning from experience... Full trashbags are not suitable for this purpose. For many reasons. Firstly, there might be liquids inside the bag. Or goos. Or slimy objects. And those can ruin your coat. Secondly... your humanslave might have a crazy idea of carrying out the trashes while you are napping inside the bag.
Personally I prefer bags made out of fabric or paper... they just feel the best.
Nest :
Every cat needs their own, soft nest, where they can nap. You need a big one, so you can spread your limbs to all directions.
Radiators :
The winter is cold, and we cats who love warm would not survive without existance of the radiators. What would be a better place to spend your winterday than laying on top of a radiator and warm your paws, while dreaming of the summer.
Catnip :
The sleep comes often very easily, if you use a bit of catnip. At same time it is good to practise bit of yoga, which relaxes your muscles and prepares you for sleep.
As you can note, there is a lot to tell about the art of sleep. The perfect sleep wont come without practising. So when you are going to the bed next time, take a bit of catnip and find a perfect palce. then test out all the positions and find which suits you the best. Close your eyes and think of all those bugs on the green field that you can catch (and eat). Good night!
Now I think it is time for my beatynap. *YAWN!*
~ Lilith the Mighty Minikitten

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