Lilith presents - Kittens, what they actually are?

Oh those so tiny and innocent baby kittens... how can you resist them when you look into their innocent eyes, listen their innocent meow... Your heart just melts!
Let me break your bubble and tell you what the kittens really are, since beneath their innocent-fluffy-cute outlook lays a minion of darkness that has just one purpose in this world... to join me and take over the universe!

The Look
Look at those eyes, and fall deep-deep-deep into them. Can you believe something so innocent could do anything bad? (not to forget to mention that moment ago the little claws just gave you not-so-gentle acupuncture and few minutes before that the little paws pushed your vase down from the bookshelf). The Look is the ultimate defense method. By tilting the head a bit and looking straight to your eyes and to your soul, the kitten convinces you that loss off the 1000e vase was nothing and that your bleeding legs are just imaginary symptom. Keep this in mind, while I continue with my guide... This look of pure innocence (by the way, if you did not know it yet, that is I, me and myself in the picture).

The Weapon of Destruction
Even kittens look so tiny and small, they have multiple ways of causing pure havoc and destruction around themselves. Sometimes the humans (and us, the adult cats) think that what was going on in our heads when we took such a creature into our lives - were we insane or what ?! Then comes "The Look" and our hearts melt again and the kitten is safe from the fate of becoming a furry hat or glove.
Let me specify a bit of these weapons they are using.

The Suckling Powah
The motherly love is never ending they say, and that mothers take care of their offspring and love them no matter what. Unfortunately (for the mothers) the kittens do not always think the same. When it comes to the milkbar their enormous suckling powers are released and when they attach themselves to the titties the lifeforce (here called the milk) is being slowly drained out from them. Add few sets of very very very sharp teeth that attach the kitten to the milkbar with force equal of a giant leech on human leg and there is no escape for the poor mommycat with the milkbar.

In the picture you can witness the little kittens sucking the milkbar empty and at the same time the lifeforce "milk" is draining out from the poor mothercat.

 The Integrated Weaponry
As mentioned previously, the kittens come with sharp set of teeth. But that is not all... They are also equipped with sharp claws, that can scratch any surface, give humans (and other cats) some acupuncture that may lead to bleeding wounds and also be used to destroy fabrics and especially to shred toilet paper.The claws are attached to the paw, which itself holds incredible amounts of power - enough to drop down the vase from bookshelf or to climb the curtains all the way to the ceiling.

Never ending curiosity
The kittens are like little explorers, always going there, where no man (or a cat) has gone before, proudly walking on the unknown terrain and often not too aware of the dangers that lay beyond the known universe. This in part is good - at least you find all the hidden places in your apartment while you are searching for the missing kitten. And you might end up finding some of your lost valuables which you places into the "I will remember I put this thing here"-spot just to forget about it 5 minutes later.

The Hunger
Kittens are growing, so they need a lot of food for it. You think that the kibble and some wet food is enough? You are so mistaken. When the milkbar runs dry, the kittens go to explore for more food to fill their empty bellies (remember, kitten is always hungry, even 5minutes after it ate last time). This exploration can lead the kitten to various food sources, which some are human food, some are catfood and some are items that cannot be even classified as food (I do not talk about flowers and plants here!). Feed the poor starving kitten... or suffer the consequences. The kitten wont understand "later, its not dinnertime yet" as its belly is grumbling from hunger.

Imagination
For you, it looks just as few flowers and some dirt... for the kitten, it is the wildest jungle, never been conquered by anyone. The kitten becomes the big lioness who prowls for its pray in the jungle (as a pray I mean you, dear human). When the pray approaches, the lioness prepares for an attack and jumps out from the cover of the trees and bites your arm to kill you.

And for you, the litterbox looks just like a litterbox, the spot where you go to pick up some poopoos and peepees and try to avoid the stinking ones. But for a kitten, the litterbox becomes the desert of Sahara, and as the global warming is the issue nowadays, the desert is spreading and spreading... so the litter has to be dug out from the box - as in the real world!

The imagination of a kitten is unique, and do not spoil their fun by telling them "no, you are not a lion and my orchid is not a tree in the jungle and you should not sharpen your claws to it". Let them play! This is also very important for their future as it gives them the basics of training to become a proper soldier in my army when I'll take over the universe!


When the kittens are born, they are nothing more than little fluffy jellybeans (often in variety of colors), and from that day on they grow and develop into adult cats. I just have to warn you, that often the brains do not grow at the same speed than rest of the body, and occasionally it has been known that the brains have gone missing...

So, now you can safely remove the image of cute little innocent kitten sleeping and playing cutely from your mind, and see what they are in the reality... nanosized killing machines with unlimited energy (often it feels like that), destructive weaponry and a way of making themselves look cute after they destroyed half of the apartment.
I have warned you! So now it is your own fault, if you take such a fluffy, innocent, cuddly, funny.... AAAAAW <3 <3 <3 creature into your home!

The looks can be deceiving!