Thursday, April 5, 2012

Guide for using boxes

Dear Readers, it is that time of the week again, that I am presenting to you my new guide. My apologies that it took longer than expected, but my human slave has been quite busy at her work and I was unable to borrow her human paws to write this guide. I think I will fix a suitable punishment for negleting my needs...
Today we are talking about...BOXES... I have already mentioned about them with few words in my previous guides but decided to make a full guide today, as boxes are very very important for us cats.

Boxes come in various colors, shapes and made out of many different materials. All of them have different purposes, and I am going to show you now few of them. But before starting to tell you more about the ultimate purposes of boxes, I must tell you something... Sometimes our human slaves are just bit "stupid" and "simple" and decide to take our boxes away from us. Do not allow this to happen! Even they think you are not using the box in your work anymore, defend it to the end. You can never have enough boxes!
To the battle stations!

First of all... There is the litterbox. Place where we do our business into. But it is also many other things... It serves as a sandbath to make our coats shine even more and also it is a good utility to use when we are working as travel agents for our human slaves and prepare them a nice sandy beach to come and rest on. Personally... I prefer the litterboxes without a cover, it is just so much easier to spread the sand evently around the apartment to make the illusion of a beach in Bali than from a box with cover and a door!
Then we have shoeboxes. Preferably remove the shoes from there before using it. If your human slave is not efficient enough to do this for you, you can either carry them away or spray some pee on top of them. Should solve the issue, so you, my dear catfriend, can have the box for your usage.
Shoeboxes are often standard in size, and this makes them perfect for building forts. Many boxes laid next to each other and on top of each other... just let your imagination be the limit! If the box is bit small, as in the following picture, you might need to twist yourself some to fit. Building forts is important thing for us cats to do, as this way we can prepare our attacks when we finally will conquer the world.
Bigger boxes are great to build trapdoors for. Go under the trapdoor and wait for the unsuspecting human slave to approach you and BOOM test your attacks on your slave. If you hear sounds like "IIIIIII" or "GOSH" or so on, it means your attack was succesful and the human slave has reached a state of closing to a heart attack... Remember, you might need some time to execute a perfect attack, so be patient. Best time is middle of the night, after your human slave has finished watching a horror movie and is heading to bed...
Small boxes... These are important too. We cats are like liquid... we will shape ourselves to fit any container perfectly. There is not enough small box for us not to squirm ourselves inside. Why small boxes are then important ? Well... if you cannot fit into one, you know it is time to maybe loose couple centimeters around your waist... you never know when you really have to squish yourself into a small space, so be prepared. All the time.
Some of you readers might have played game called "Portal"... I have to tell you a very well guarded secret. We, cats, know that they exist. We go in from one side of the box and emerge from the otherside. This is a skill that we like to keep as secret, but you know we are often in places you never imagined we would make into but now you know how it is done!

Boxes are also great bathtubs. You can go there with your catfriend and keep each other warm while offering a bath to each other. But warning... kitty bathtub is NOT the same as human bathtub. And if human wants to take you to a human bathtub... flee my friends, flee! Hide!
Also there are certain boxes that with good cutting makes excellent TVs. What better way you can have to work on your speach for the humankind and get their attention ? Go to the TV-box, sit down and start to talk! They WILL listen, we will make them listen! Here Mr. Elb is talking about the importance of proper food and loads of it. Agares is listening him carefully.
Tunnels... long boxes are perfect for this purpose. Just take my word as a warning, before playing tunnelgames, make sure that the tunnel box is enough heavily built so it wont collapse on you even if other cats decide to join the fun.
Boxes are also excellent beds. And if our human slaves have behaved themselves, we can always reveal our bellies for them to touch while sleeping inside a little box. Agares shows you exactly how to make humans go all "aaaaww"!
Even humans do not understand... we cats NEED cardboard to test the strenght of our teeth. And this is why we require a fresh box every week. Do not neglet your cats by not giving them boxes to test their biting skills!
Hiding places... Storage boxes serve the best. But... make sure your human does not carry you out from the house with it by accident! So latest when your human slave approaches the box and picks it up, gently touch the hand of your slave with your paw to notify about your existance in the box.
And a warning... The following thing is also a box. It is called "travel box" and often going inside it and being trapped there might mean a visit to a vetenarian where you might end up being stabbed by at least half a meter long needle! Watch out! Here my human slave was planning to take me somewhere, but I am taunting Mr. Elb to stay inside... she'll take him instead of me !
And at one point, my human slaves decided to get us a wooden box... as I mentioned earlier, we cats require a box to test the strenght of our teeth... wooden boxes are not good for such purpose... there are splinters coming out...

Our next guide is coming up later on this week, and this time we will be talking about anatomy of cats, so stay tuned ! Also a new voting for the topic of the next guide will be starting soon, so stay tuned ! Now I must go to my fort and see if I can build a trench around it... maybe if I trip over the waterbowl it will work out weel.

~ Lilith The Mighty Minikitten

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